.....But The Greatest Of These Is Love

1 Corinthians 13:13 “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love,”

Love. What a powerful word. Did you know that in the NIV of the Bible the word “love” is mentioned 551 times? You think maybe God is trying to make a point? 

Since moving to Haiti God has really been giving me a lesson on love. The love He has for me and others, the love I need to have for other people, the love they need to have for me and the love that other people should have for other people. So I’m going to break down each of these and share some lessons I’ve learned for these topics of love. So first…..

1) The love God has for me.

As you can imagine, leaving behind everything and everyone you know to move to a poverty stricken country isn’t the easiest. But, through it all God has provided a lot of things that I’ve needed in order to fight my demons. He has provided me with two amazing housemates, Aggie and Chelsea who have really involved me in their friendship and have reached out to me when I needed it most. They are both so selfless, caring, passionate, loving and I couldn’t have been more blessed to move in with anyone else! So if you’re both reading this, I love you so much and thank you for following God’s calling for you, because without doing that we would have never met! God has also provided me with some new friends and some new kids to love on. He shows me everyday in little or big ways that He loves me and is guiding my steps. Even though I sin daily and am very stubborn sometimes! I just have to follow His guidance. 

Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

2) The love I need to have for other people.

I can honestly say that this is something I’ve never really struggled with until recently. I’ve always been one to love and love hard. To give someone my all even if sometimes they weren’t deserving of it. I looked past the sin, and went straight to loving the sinner. This isn't a quality that I have lost, per-say. It is one that I’ve unfortunately become more guarded with. In ways that  I dont like. Some things in my life recently have forced me to be more careful and put my guard up, but I think I pushed myself to far back in this subject. After talking with my mom about how it was bad that I was loving a child who would never be mine she was quick to remind me that God calls us to love ALL. No restrictions or fears. No matter what happens, we are called to love all people. After this conversation I decided to let down my guarded walls and continue to love as I once had. And let me tell you, I have never felt so free! God definitely used my mother to remind me that I need to love NO MATTER WHAT! Just as God does for each and every one of us! So mom (I know you're reading this,) thank you so much for reminding me to give all I have whether the person is mine to keep or not!

Hebrews 13:1 “Keep on loving one another as brothers and sisters.”

3) The love others need to have for me.

Without sharing any details I will simply say that recently I was in a situation that was full of a toxic kind of love. After stepping away from it God really showed me how others should love me. In 1 Corinthians chapter 13 He gives a straightforward view of what love should be. The kind of love that we should have and should be given. He has taught me so much about how I, as a fragile human being, should be loved by others. It’s also important to remember that others are also fragile human beings that are just as flawed as you are. We can’t expect the love we are given to be perfect, but we should expect it to be a lot of the things mentioned in the verse below. Sometimes the devil takes love and twists it, he uses it to play with our minds and our hearts. He manipulates us into believing that love is not what the Bible says it is. So friends, beware because the devil is cunning and will make toxic love look just as enticing and as Biblical love. 

1 Corinthians 13:4-8a “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking. it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves. Love never fails…..”

4) The love other people should have for other people.

This kind of ties into all of the other three lessons I have learned. Love is such a strong emotion, it can get into your head and mess with your thoughts, it can mess with your heart and it can do a lot of good or a lot of damage. Many people use that reasoning in order to withhold their love for others. But, something I’ve learned here is that when you freely give your love to everyone around you and truly care for one another and watch out for each other everyone around you is so much happier. Unfortunately, this is something that’s very rare around the world. Maybe it’s something we can all work on?

John 13:34-35 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. BY THIS EVERYONE WILL KNOW THAT YOU ARE MY DISCIPLES, IF YOU LOVE ONE ANOTHER.”

So here have been some lessons I’ve recently had on love. Hopefully this post spoke to you as well, so go out this week and show the world your love. And don’t hold back, because God can do amazing things for you and others when you love just as He does! Amen!

The Starbucks Cup (Red)

    After having a break from my phone this weekend I was quite shocked to come back to a news feed full of arguments over a red Starbucks cup. After seeing post after post about this little thing I thought I would put into perspective what a missionary thinks when seeing these things. 

      If you follow my Facebook page then you have seen some of this story already. But, in order to put into perspective as to why I see silliness in this red cup phenomenon I will give you a little insight on some of the things I encounter while here. Below is the picture of a little boy named Samuel. Samuel is 6 days old and has been in our care since the day he was born. He was a twin, but both the twin and the mother died in childbirth. Afraid for the life of Samuel, his uncle  got on a moto and traveled about 5 hours down from the mountain. He was very tiny, very fragile, very hungry and had some funny breathing patterns. We took him in and fed him, cleaned him off and gave him some warm clothes. Yes, he was cold! To give a little background, his family situation with his father was very unhealthy. The rest of his family either had a busy job, or children of their own and had no time or money to take care of him. This is but only one case we've had where a child has been given to us as a result from it's mothers death.

             When you see the color red what do you think of? Many right now would say that they think of Christmas, the Starbucks cup, maybe even Target. Want to know what I see when I hear of the color red? These precious little ones. The ones that surround me daily and call out my name, asking how I am doing and genuinely caring. The ones who have so little but smile so big. Red, to me, shows the love pouring out from both my heart and theirs. To live a life full of views of people suffering daily, even hourly. To live in a world that is thankful for a cup no matter what shape or color it is. While the world quarrels over the difference between a cup that is red and a cup that says merry Christmas, missionaries all over the world sit and quarrel with the Devil over a soul of someone lost that is right outside their door.  So the next couple of months, when you drive up to that Starbucks window and they smile and give you your nice red cup, remember what missionaries think of when they see your quarreling and be thankful. Be thankful for that one cup full of coffee that so many Americans rely on. Be thankful that you are surrounded by family, that you have a nice car to drive you places, that you have the money to just so easily go spend on a treat. Remember missionaries all over the world who are spending their Christmas in foreign countries all over the world and using the color red as a symbol of love. Pray for them and their work. I hope this opens your eyes to what we see when we log into our social media time after time and view the things that others share. We pray not only for the people we are ministering too but also for our home and the people around it, that their eyes may be opened and they may truly be thankful for what they have. May God bless you and your family this upcoming winter and please, go have a peppermint hot chocolate at Starbucks just for me! ;) 

A Change of Heart

    I’m sorry that I haven't blogged regularly but as you can imagine I am still trying to get comfortable with my new life. Now that I’m here I’m really starting to realize that Haiti has no structure, my mom would have a fit! (Love you mom!) Work day hours vary constantly, you can start work pretty much at 7:30AM and then declare at 3PM that you are going home. With my line of work we are constantly depending on the wifi, which as you can imagine is not the greatest in a third world country, but we manage to get as much done as we can. I can honestly say that every day is different, there is never really a schedule or a plan as to how one should go about doing things. You simply just do them. Transition from the U.S. has not been the easiest on me but it’s still amazing to see how God can work through the little things in such BIG ways! Here’s a story about a boy who really taught me what it is to whole-heartedly follow Christ.

   A boy from our village has decided to follow Christ and in doing so will be baptized in the next upcoming week or so. Before doing this he realized that he had some unsolved conflict between some friends of his. He came to Elizabeth and asked that him and his friends be allowed to come sit in our living room and talk about what had happened between them. Fortunately, I was present during this meeting! Unfortunately, most of it was in Creole so I only got bits and pieces, but what I did get taught me a very valuable lesson. He came and sat down across from three friends in our living room and started out by telling them a few things from his point of view. After that he apologized for everything that he had done and asked if they could forget about the past and move on in their friendships. Everyone was forgiving and well in agreement with the change that was going to be happening.

   I later found out that the reason he had decided to make amends with these people was not only because he cared for them and wanted the friendships back, but also because he wanted to be baptized with a pure heart. Wow! What a great way to step into your new faith! Can you imagine how much more loving people in the U.S. would be if we simply sat down with the people we loved, the ones we cared for, and asked for forgiveness for the wrong that we may have committed against them. What a HUGE act of love and humility! I was completely amazed by this demonstration of full fledge passion to follow Christ with a clean heart! How amazing that boy will feel after his baptism when God has fully cleaned him! Thank you Jesus for the things in life that teach us all a valuable lesson! I can only hope that my heart has the same good intentions while I am here, to serve Him whole-heartedly and to do it in a pure way! Amen!

On a side note there was a HUGE cockroach in our bathroom today, and even after spraying it with poison it managed to make its way into Grace’s bedroom!! EW! Well, guess I better get used to seeing big bugs now! Welcome to Haiti ;) 

Hope In The Healing

Today was hard. Plain and simple. It was a toss and turn of emotions. Like the mountain we traveled on, I went up then back down again. 

     We traveled to Real Hope For Haiti today. This is a hospital for extremely sick kids. People travel from below the mountain and from the mountain itself just to make it to this place because they know their kid will get the best possible treatment. They see about 100-250 people PER DAY! The people literally line up the night before to make sure they’re first in line for the next day. So as you can imagine this hospital holds the sickest of the sick. It’s hard to travel here at times because of some of the conditions you see. The last time I went there was a little girl with a condition that Mia also has (CP- Cerebral Palsy)  and it was something that really effected me. This time I went I was faced with another trial, but was very aware of the hope found within it. 

      There was a little girl there whose name I won’t even try to type out. I’m not sure how long she had been there but I hadn’t seen her when I was there in January. She was paper thin, and that isn’t an expression. Her skin was so thin that on her chest it didn't even feel like she had any. It felt like bones and that was it. The skin on her arms and legs was so tight against her bones and felt of leather. She had a feeding tube in her nose and an IV inserted somewhere as well. Her teeth were all rotted and she looked miserable. Yet amidst all of this she still tried to smile at one of our team members. Did you catch that? She tried to smile! This precious little 5 year old girl, practically on her death bed from dehydration and lack of care, tried to smile for us! That is such a powerful image of self sacrifice. Who knows how much just moving her mouth hurt her or how much discomfort she was feeling. She still smiled! 

     I learned a lot from this girl today. No matter the pain, the trial, the struggle, there is always a reason to smile! So no matter what kind of day you’ve had today, remember to be thankful anyways and to smile. God has you here for a reason dear one and He will use you for great things!

Flashback Of Feelings

Remember when you were little and just starting to make “best friends?” You would spend your time passing notes in class, hanging out on the swings at the playground, telling each other pointless secrets about how Billy stole Suzy’s pencil….etc. This was a wonderful age, where making friends was easy! Now that I’ve got your memory sparked, can you remember the first time you had a sleepover at your friends house? Remember the fear of the unknown? Of not knowing what their house would look like, if their moms mac-n-cheese really was as good as your friend said, how comfortable the bed would be, if it would be dark? So many things. Now remember how much fun you ended up having!! You ran around the house causing chaos everywhere you stepped, laughing uncontrollably and getting told to “quiet down!”  But do you remember bedtime? It was the time everyone dreaded. It meant the end of the fun and the beginning of the panic process. Where we didn’t want to leave because we were having so much fun but didn’t want to stay because we wanted our bed, parents, siblings, comfort…..I am at this stage. I’m on my plane to Haiti and I’m excited, yet wanting to go back home. The fear of the unknown awaits. I’ve been here before, I know what is waiting for me in Haiti. Yet there is that ache to go home. To cuddle with my siblings, laugh with my parents, hang out with my friends and just be surrounded by people who love me. This past month has honestly been horrible for me. The stress has been constantly on my mind, the anxiousness never ceases, my stomach is constantly in a knot and I must force myself to eat, the tears have been shed so much that I have none left to cry. But I know who holds my future, I know God is watching over me and has great plans for me. So just as I did when I was a little girl, I will wait through the night and wake again in the morning to enjoy another playdate with God on this mission field! Thank you all for the love and support! Please keep me in your prayers since this has been a very exciting yet difficult step to take. God Bless!

The Raw Truth

Everyone that I run into has asked how I feel about leaving, well here is the answer. The raw truth of what’s going on inside of me. Many people who have asked me have gotten the answer “I’m excited but also nervous.” That answer just scratches the surface of what I’m truly feeling. This blog is something very emotional for me to write, so please try to hang with me because some of what I say may be a tad scattered. Those of you who are sensitive may possibly need tissues (shoutout to grandma!) So here we go, take a deep breath and keep reading.

I’m struggling. So hard that it hurts. I can’t even explain half of the feelings that are twisting and turning inside of my heart right now. If you know me, you know that my emotions are all on overload. Everything I feel, I feel strongly. It’s the kind of heart God blessed me with and though sometimes it can be hard, it’s amazing. I feel everything with passion, the good and the bad. It’s times like now that I struggle. I don’t even know how to explain this dreadful emotion. I guess it’s not really just one emotion, it’s several mixed together. It crept up on me a few weeks ago, it started out as a little thing. Nothing but nervousness, so tiny that it wasn't even noticeable. Little did I know that it would grow into what it is today, as I sit pouring my heart out through my fingers touching the keys. I’m scared, terrified actually. I’m afraid to be alone, and I know God is with me and always will be! I never doubt that. But, I’m moving away from everything and everyone that I know. There are people here that have my heart that will be so hard to be away from. No one will be just a phone call or text away anymore. I’m so afraid to feel the loneliness that I’ll go through during certain times in my journey. Maybe that’s selfish. No, it is selfish. But I can’t help but feel it, the next few weeks will be so hard for me as I begin to say goodbye to all of the people that I love so dearly. 

My feelings have kind of begun to drown me in a way. Sometimes the water is dark and the waves begin to drag me down. Other times the water is refreshing and lets me back up for a breath of air. That sounds gruesome, but it is the only way I can describe it. These past few weeks have really opened my eyes as to how hard this move will be for me. I’ve been majorly stressed, to the point that my stomach has been nothing but a mess. Eating has been a real struggle and I’ve lost some weight. I’ve had a few breakdowns. I’ve cried so many tears that sometimes I’ve even run out of them. I’ve fought with God. Not just internally, but at 1:30AM in a sanctuary speaking to Him. I’ve been so moody lately. My mind and my heart are constantly contradicting one another. My mind says to keep to myself, but my heart knows that these are the days I should be spending the most time with everyone. Little things set me off, you could ask what my favorite food is and in my mind, I would wrap it around until it turns into the thought of “well it doesn't matter because I won’t be eating it in Haiti.” My heart has been filled with so much negativity and I’ve tried with every ounce of myself to try and ignore the pain. The devil has really been working a number on me recently and I’ve not been myself. 

But amidst the trials, there is still sunshine. Even though my mood has been off, my eating habits have died away, my eyes have been puffy a lot and I’ve been kind of down,  I’ve become stronger. I’ve learned more about myself in the last two weeks than I could have in a normal month for me. Though I have fought with Him, I have felt God’s arms around me and heard Him whisper reassuring words into my life. I have been shown how truly blessed I am with the people I have surrounding me. My family, my friends, and I’ve even learned that strangers can also be a blessing! My mom has been such a comfort to me lately and everything I’ve been going through has actually strengthened my bond with her (which I didn't know was possible!) My sisters have given me hugs and cuddles when they knew I was down. My dad has taken me out to lunch. All of my wonderful friends have been there to listen to me no matter what mood I’ve been in. To help me up when I’ve fallen. And to walk beside me when I’ve stood tall. God has blessed me so much with this new adventure in my life! Through the struggle God has been there, God is there and He always will be! I’m not second-guessing anything, I know this is what I want to do and where God is calling me to be. Yes, I’ve been struggling and I ask for prayers these next couple of days as things will probably only get harder. But, I’ve also been able to rejoice in ways I never knew imaginable. Thanks for hanging with me through this emotional post. Your support, prayers and love mean the world to me. May God bless you today and every day!

Heart And Mind Wide Open

I’ve written and rewritten this about a million times already. (Ok, you got me. Maybe not a million, but close enough!) I think I have rewritten it so much that what I have to say is all mixed up in my head and now that I’m finally writing this I’m still unsure as to how I should put so much into one little blog post. I will also freely admit that there is some fear behind this post, because this is me admitting that my life is taking a drastic change. You know the saying that goes “If you’re dreams don’t scare you they aren’t big enough?” Well, at this point my dreams are HUGE! Don’t take this wrong though. I’m very excited and blessed to be able to write this post for you, and though the future looks a little scary from this angle I know this is the direction I need to be heading in. So without further a-do, the final draft of the thoughts in my head and the feelings in my heart! Enjoy!! On March 13,2015 I received a call. One that would change my life and would also affect the lives of some of those around me. I had been accepted as an intern for Children’s Lifeline in Haiti! I was beyond thrilled and couldn't help but cry after the phone call because I was so happy! Right away, I told as many people as possible, but later on realized that I didn’t go into the details. That is why I’ve decided to write about it. Many people have asked me exactly what I will be doing while there and so I thought I would elaborate a little more on what my tasks will be on the mission field. The first thing that I was asked to do was to work along side Robenson. His job each school year is to update families in the U.S. about the child that they sponsor through Lifeline. This is all computer based and sometimes does not get completed. I will most likely be asked to join him in talking with the sponsor child and getting information for his/her sponsor family! Another big part of my job will be to do a bible study for the village girls. A lot of the girls don’t have time to go out and do things because they are busy helping at home, but we are hoping that this bible study will give them a chance to branch out a little in their social lives and their faith! Last, but not least, I will have some days that I go to the new orphanage Lifeline just opened and work there, or possibly travel with visiting teams to other orphanages! So as you can see there is a lot that I will be doing while there and I’m truly looking forward to it! As of right now I don’t really have exact dates for my departure. I do know that it will be sometime in October. Originally the plan was for me to arrive there more towards the end of August, but after much prayer and discussion with several people I have decided that going in October would be better for both me and Children’s Lifeline. Before I head off to Haiti I will need to travel to Georgia for a few days to stay with one of the directors. There I will be trained on how to use the computer software that I will be managing in order to update families about their sponsor child. After training I will travel with both the director and her assistant to Haiti to get settled in! I’m beyond excited to begin this new chapter of my life! But I also ask for prayers. With a new chapter comes new experiences, new places, new people and many other new things. This is kind of where the fear comes in. I have been here two times, and I have fallen in love with the place and the people, but it is still very new to me. I know this is where I am called to be, and this is where I want to be. But, I will be very far away from comfort. From the places I know, the people I know, the culture I know…the list goes on. I know God will be there for me, and that I will have endless support from all of you, which makes things so much easier! The fear is a good thing, its exciting and shows me every day that what I dreamed as a little girl is finally coming true thanks to God and His plan. He’s truly watching over me.

Once again, thank you all for your unending love and support throughout my journey! I don't think I could ever say that enough! You are all such a blessing to me and I thank God for each and every one of you! ((If you have any questions, please feel free to message me on Nina’s Little Mission Facebook page! To get there you can just click —-> here ))

Haiti Adventures (Jan 2015) Day 6-7

Thursday was very productive! We traveled to Helene’s village and passed out buckets to some of the people there! The people will use the buckets for mainly carrying water to their houses, so they’re very helpful! It was great to see the joy on their faces as we passed out the buckets and it was amazing how thankful they were. Can you just close your eyes for a second with me and comprehend this? (Please proceed to close them after you read the rest of this paragraph and picture all the things I name.) Look at your house, look at your car, your kitchen, its contents (the food, silverware and cooking utensils…) look at your family, your husband/wife, your kids, your pets. Now think really hard, in the midst of your one or two story house how many buckets do you have? Think of what we use buckets for, maybe to store dirt when gardening, wash our cars, build sand castles, put fish in when we go fishing and so much more. They’re something that every american owns, and many of us have large quantities of them. Now think of the people of Haiti, picture them smiling as they're handed a bucket. Something that we take for granted is something that they treasure and rely on to help keep their families hydrated….crazy right?!

     I’m hoping you've opened your eyes now to continue the blog.  After we were done handing out buckets we rode down to Helene’s house and they served us a homemade Haitian meal of rice, beans and seasoned chicken. It was so good, I can’t even describe it! Lunch went by quickly and then we traveled to a nearby waterfall and had some fun there! It was beautiful! At the end of our journey we returned to the complex and had an amazing communion service! It was great to worship and praise with the team members and the interns, all of whom I've come to call friend very quickly! Finally, I ended my day rocking baby Dely to sleep and singing to him, which I absolutely loved.

Friday wasn't quite as full, but still meaningful.  I went with Chelsea and Jean-Philippe to drop one of the mission teams that had been here for the week off at the airport. We stopped and prayed for some people on the way and then stopped at a cute little boutique in Cabaret. Then I returned to the complex, watched the village boys play soccer, hung out with them after and then had a Haitian sandwich called a paté. It was yummy! I ended my day with the interns, Tyler, Jessica, Chelsea and Aggie. We all got together and had a mini worship time. Words cannot describe how much I will miss all of them, I've bonded with them so much this past week and have loved my time spent with them serving the people of Haiti. I’ll miss them and this place so much. I can hardly wait to go home and fill out my application for a year long internship after graduation. It was a great last day, spent with friends and kids. I’ll miss this so much, but am thankful God gave me an opportunity to come back!

Haiti Adventures (Jan 2015) Day 5

Today was quite an interesting day! In the morning we walked around the village for a bit and then came back to the complex while some of the team members walked to someone's hut to pray. Upon their arrival back, Aggie, Jessica and I had been told that they had brought back a baby. Aggie and I jumped up immediately to go inspect the situation. We met him and deeply fell in love. He is about 3 months old and is only seven pounds. His mother became sick sometime after he was born and gave the baby to the father to care for while she was resting. A few weeks went by and the mother’s sister told her that the father had left the baby on her step and that she needed to come get it. When the mother got the baby she began to feed it boxed milk, supposedly. When we received the baby he was super tiny, extremely malnourished, and would not keep the formula down we were giving him. He was vomiting, sometimes projectile and was gagging. After a bath, some attempts at feeding, some new clothing, and some decisions were made, we knew this baby needed help. The mother has no place to go now since the father and the mother’s sister have both said she cannot stay with them and we weren't sure if the baby would survive through the night. After much discussion it was decided that the baby would be taken to Real Hope Hospital (the place we visited just a few days ago.)  Unfortunately, the mother would not consent to letting us take the baby there. We have no idea why and we are very nervous that the baby will not make it through the night. So, that was kind of a down side to the day.

    The bright side was that we enjoyed a great dinner on the ocean at a resort.  We didn't swim, but I did sneak over and stick my feet in. It was very warm and I enjoyed the few short minutes of it! We then all piled into “the kia” which is made for 6 but because it was raining and we couldn't sit in the bed of the vehicle we piled 10 people into it, which was extremely funny! All in all today was pretty good and I can’t wait until tomorrow when I can blog about the awesome adventure I’m going on!!! Bonsoir!

Haiti Adventures (Jan 2015) Day 4

Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you. (James 1:27 NLT)

“….That tunnel, so dark, I could not see

Where I was going, where I should be,
But there You were, so suddenly,
You picked me up, You restored me…
That torment, that despair, that endless war,
Was suddenly so much easier to fight than before,
I looked to my left; then I looked to my right,
There You were standing, the beautiful Light.
There was a light, at the end of my tunnel,
A termination of what seemed an endless struggle,
Now I have faith, I can suddenly stand,
And my grip will only tighten around Your hand.”

Light At The End Of My Tunnel -Jillian Ann Cameron

Yesterday, as many of you know, I posted on Facebook asking for prayers.  I also messaged some friends of mine requesting them to pray as well and talked to a lot of people here. I did not want to disclose why until now and I’m sure you will understand why after you've finished reading this post. Monday around lunch time I was pulled to the side and was told the story of a baby (known as Edison) that the directors had taken in when the child’s mother died and the dad could not take care of it. I was then retold the story of the twins (Dely and Denau) and how Aggie took them in when their mother had died and the father couldn't take care of them. I was then told of a new 2 month old baby, one whose mother had passed away that very morning and whose father could not take care of it. All at once it hit me and I realized that they were going to ask me to help. They did so much more, they asked me to watch the baby until February 17th, be it’s temporary momma, and care for it until the directors came back from the U.S. on the 16th of February. Second after second my heart pounded with excitement and without knowing it I said yes on instinct. Of course, after talking for a while more about it, I stepped back and asked them to give me some time to pray and speak with my parents. After much discussion and prayer with my mom and dad, we decided that I should stay and care for this little one. We were told the baby would arrive Tuesday morning so I slept through the night and woke up in the morning to butterflies in my stomach.

       I was anxious all morning, nervous, excited and so many other emotions. I was wondering if it was a boy or a girl, if he or she was healthy, if we would accept it (sometimes they turn babies away because the situation can be helped in another way) and if I was actually capable of being a caregiver to this child. Well, the answer came yesterday afternoon. After a meeting with the directors and Aggie, we have decided not to take the baby. It’s a girl named Jesumine who was extremely healthy, only had one other sibling the dad had to care for, and had many aunts who were able to take care of her. I was heartbroken, I held her for a while and immediately fell in love with her. She was so little and so cute. I was really upset that I wouldn’t be able to call her mine- even if for just a few weeks, but accepted the decision for what it was.

       I was taught a big lesson, one that will stay with me for a while. Sometimes, things happen that only God understands and that's ok. I've always wanted to be a mom, I was so ready to jump in and help that I jumped ahead of God and assumed this baby would soon be mine to care for and love for a short while. But God had other plans, and even though I was heartbroken I was happy that the baby had a good home she could go back to and that she was healthy. Sometimes we walk through a tunnel, but just like in the poem above, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Mine taught me a lesson. I don’t always need to know what’s going on, and I need to be patient. God knew this situation would not turn out like I anticipated, but He did know that I needed a big sign to show that. It may not be time now, but in the future, if I’m called to it, I know God will grant me it when it’s in His good time, not mine. Thank you everyone for your prayers today they were much appreciated! Love you all!

Haiti Adventures (Jan 2015) Day 3

   Today was my first big day of the week, we traveled to a hospital in Cabaret, Haiti known as Real Hope for Haiti. They have clinic throughout the week and today was HIV and TB day. The facilities are amazing and the kids are all well taken care of! The kids were so happy to see us and we loved playing, singing, and doing crafts with them! They have an ICU there that is full of malnourished babies, some of them were extremely tiny and it broke my heart. We also ventured over to their other building two houses over to play with some babies and toddlers. There were two children that particularly caught my eye. The first one was a little girl that one of our members picked up, we were told that she wasn't wanted by her parents and relatives because she had CP (cerebral palsy) and was considered “too handicapped” to take care of. This spoke to me on so many levels! My own sister is handicapped and can you just imagine what might have happened to her if she had been born here instead of the United States? I was crushed, and promptly took pictures to take back home and show my family. Another child that connected with me did not talk. He came up and offered his hands up so that I would pick him up. I held him for a while then we sat down and he ran to another member. Shortly after, he returned to me and I held him and kissed him and played with him. He said nothing to me, no word, no giggle, no baby noise….nothing. The only speech he had was that of his smile and his eyes. We connected through our souls and he could tell I loved him with every ounce of my heart. Isn't it breathtaking when you can see that Christ’s love is pouring through you! Unfortunately when we left he was the only child to scream. After we left there we returned to the complex and spent the rest of our night fellowshipping, getting things ready for other stuff this week and hanging out with Haitians. Many nights after school about 6-10 Haitian boys come to hang out along with 1 girl. The girls of the village are usually too busy doing chores and helping with the little ones to come spend time with us, but we have formed friendships with many of the teen boys in the village. They’re so amazing to watch! They joke around with each other, act like they're all siblings and watch out for the twins as well! They’re so good with kids it’s amazing! Haitians will never cease to amaze me! Today has been a great day and I’m so thankful that I've returned to this amazing place!

Haiti Adventures (Jan 2015) Day 2

Well, after my tiring journey yesterday I can officially be thankful for this relaxing day! I will admit that in the morning I was supposed to be ready at 6:40, my alarm went off at 6:15. I rolled over, turned it off, and then fell back asleep until 6:50. Oops! In the end it worked out fine because everyone got a late start, so we eventually made it! It didn't really matter that we were late, we’re white so they would've stared anyways. After the church service my day was spent hanging out with Aggie and the twins. Dely and I have become instant buddies, I've been playing with him a lot, feeding him, rocking him and we even took a nap together in the afternoon! Denau, unfortunately has malaria and during the day is perfectly fine, but at night is very fussy and can’t sleep very well because of his high fever and discomfort. Aggie has done so well with both of them! She’s getting a break tonight as another intern stays with the babies, but she truly inspires me! She is a great mother to both the twins and loves them with all of her heart! Please pray for her as she continues to watch them both until Lifeline orphanage opens up. That she will have the strength to keep on through the sleepless nights and the sicknesses, and that God will watch over her health as well! I’m sorry this blog wasn't as long as last night, but not much happened today! Bonsoir my dear friends!

Haiti Adventures (Jan 2015) Day 1

 As I sit here on the plane ride from Georgia to Port Au Prince, I’m still unaware that this is really happening. Ever since I left Haiti in August I have wanted, with all my heart, to return to it! For a while I did not think it could be done, but God sure had plans for me, and now here I am on my way back! I can’t help but think of how much I've grown over this past year. Last year at this time I was writing repeatedly in my personal journal with many questions and much confusion. Asking God to guide me, questioning what He wanted me to do, questioning what I wanted to do and who I really was. Little did I know that last year would be the beginning of the rest of my life! Since last January, I have been on 2 missions trips, I have made countless friends around the world, I have taken care of children both local to villages in Africa and in Haiti, I have fully depended on God to protect me and lead me, I have grown stronger through independence and separation and I have been able to live my dream. Who would've known that a childish fantasy of mine was actually going to come true many years down the road? People always speak of fairy tales, happy endings and dreams coming true, and here I am living all of those at this moment! God is so amazing!

     Today as I traveled I came across many amazing people and many different missionary groups. Sitting on a plane to Haiti you can most likely presume that all of the white people present are either vacationers or missionaries (more missionaries than anything.) Through this you begin to share stories and learn of other amazing Godly people feeling called to the same place as you. I have met countless people today and have heard of great things being done in Haiti, and I've also been able to share with others what I’m doing as well! As an 18 year old white girl, many people are surprised that I am traveling alone and doing things without parents present. I have been called countless things today, blessed many times, and inspired some people along the way. It’s so great to engage in conversation that fully revolves around my faith. Throughout the past couple of days, while getting ready for my trip and while traveling today, I have been able to witness to several people and it has been amazing! I haven't even arrived at my destination yet and God is already proving to me He is in control of it!

     When I first took off at Akron Canton Airport it wad really hard to separate from my family, and at that point my anxiety began to kick in. I may have traveled countless times, but quite frankly

 airports majorly stress me out! My mom always finds it funny that I’m more anxious about security, customs, and finding my flight than I am of actually going to Haiti alone. All that to be said, going through security after saying farewell to my family was no amusement park. It started out fine, but then my bag was confiscated and sifted through as I had set something off. Add 5 anxiety points. Then as people are rushing around me to get things off of the conveyor belt my laptop is deciding it doesn't want to fit back into my bag, and people are waiting for me to move so they can get there things. Add 2 anxiety points. While all of this is going on there is someone going through my bag and I’m internally freaking out about what happened. Add 4 anxiety points. So at this point my stress level is pretty high, and if my mom would've taken Mia’s equipment and checked my pulse it probably would've been a little high. After what seemed like forever, but was in reality only a few minutes, I was told that my 24 Oz. of Nutella was to be taken. This of course was something specifically asked for, but was over the Oz. limit. (I took a chance not knowing if it counted as a liquid or not.) Fortunately, the security guard also loved Nutella and did not want the precious bottle of goodness to go to waste. So he graciously walked me back out to my parents to return our giant jar of Nutella. Subtract all of the anxiety points. In that one small act of kindness and humor that the security guard shared my stress was relieved and I knew God had this no matter what. After that episode some other things happened, a blistered foot, a gate change and a flight delay, but throughout the day I've pretty much been at peace. I will admit to some fears of the Haitian customs, but that's natural right? 

        Some friendships I've formed have been quite amazing and I intend to share some of them with you now. I met a husband and wife on my first plane ride, and after answering where I was off to the wife, with her eyes wide says “Haiti! What in the world are you going there for?” Door one opened! I went off on my story and she seemed satisfied after. During my layover in Atlanta I boarded a train that would take me to my terminal. A beautiful college girl boarded at the same time as I did and we both had to stretch to reach the hanging handles. This, of course, was followed by giggles from us both and ideas as to how the train could have built the handles either lower, or retractable, for us short girls! When I finally reached my gate I had about two hours to sit and relax, which was much needed after carrying around my heavy bag with a sore shoulder and a blistered foot. While sitting I observed a somewhat large group of adults come and sit down. One of the couples read my shirt which reads “Mission Lifeline. Helping Haiti’s Children,” and began to ask questions. We exchanged what we were traveling to Haiti for and I learned that they were a big group of doctors going to work at a local hospital. (I later found out that my grandma actually knew the group I talked to!) Upon boarding the plane I have made friends with the two people beside me. Rusty, who is here with a group of miscellaneous people that will be working on outreach, and electric work, and Valerie who is here with a group of girls going to work at Mission of Hope. Neither of them believe I am 18 and are quite impressed with the work I am going to do! It’s great meeting people from around the U.S. who have their hearts set on the same thing as you!

     During one of my conversations a husband briskly said “you are one brave woman!” After pondering on it a little further I've realized that in all honesty, I don’t even have an ounce of bravery in me. Ask my friends at home and they’ll tell you I’m a shy introverted girl who only speaks when she feels it’s needed. During my trips, I am extremely outside of my comfort zone. Bravery is not in me, but trust is. Trust that God will watch over me, take care of me, lead me, love me, support me, and speak to me. I am not brave, I am weak, I am shy, I am introverted, I am afraid, I am anxious and I am sometimes lonely. But I know my God is with me, and no matter what kind of state I am in, He will hold me up. Any bravery seen in me is from God and God only!

   As I end my blog post for the day I leave you with this blessing my dear poppy emailed to me the night before I left. 

“May the sun shine warm upon your face; may the rains fall soft upon your head; may the winds blow gently at your back; may the road always rise to meet you; and when you leave your earthen berth, may God hold you safely in the palm of His hand.”

Adventure is out there!

"God was pushing me, well....someone was pushing me, but no one was behind me...."

This quote was said just this past Sunday by someone in my Sunday school class. It made me think of the wonderful journeys I will be going on this year and how God has really orchestrated everything in my life to lead up to where I am now.  As some of you may or may not know I will be going on another trip to Haiti in a few weeks and shortly after I will also be choosing where I will be for my year long mission trip after graduation!
        I embark for my next trip to Haiti on January 24th and I will be returning on the 31st. I am so looking forward to this wonderful adventure and cannot wait to return to Children's Lifeline! (To learn more about Children's Lifeline click here) Unlike the trip I took in August, I will be going alone and will not have a team with me. I will be able to focus more on the aspects of the trip I liked, work with the people who live at the mission to help better their community, be one on one with others and most importantly focus on building Christ-like relationships with the children and adults there! Since I was there last I have come into contact with some of the other missionaries there and have built tremendous relationships with them, I look forward to being with them and serving with them!
       I will be doing pretty much as I did last trip, serving the nearby village, helping out at the mission, visiting orphanages....so on and so forth. It may be a little different when I get there just because I will not be there with a team. Fortunately, there will be another team present while I am there so I will be able to share my story with them and help them serve the people of Haiti as well! I'm not sure in detail what all I will be doing, but rest assured I will try to post a blog page daily so that you know all that I am doing!
       I look forward to sharing my journey with you! Please pray for me as I travel alone to Haiti and as I think about what my future holds at Children's Lifeline! For more specific prayers please check out my Haiti Prayer List! Thank you all for your continued support and I can't wait to contact you next time when I'm in Haiti! God Bless!

2 Timothy 2:10 NIRV

"So I put up with everything for the good of God's chosen people. Then they also can be saved. Christ Jesus saves them. He gives them glory that will last forever."