“….That tunnel, so dark, I could not see
Where I was going, where I should be,
But there You were, so suddenly,
You picked me up, You restored me…
That torment, that despair, that endless war,
Was suddenly so much easier to fight than before,
I looked to my left; then I looked to my right,
There You were standing, the beautiful Light.
There was a light, at the end of my tunnel,
A termination of what seemed an endless struggle,
Now I have faith, I can suddenly stand,
And my grip will only tighten around Your hand.”
But there You were, so suddenly,
You picked me up, You restored me…
That torment, that despair, that endless war,
Was suddenly so much easier to fight than before,
I looked to my left; then I looked to my right,
There You were standing, the beautiful Light.
There was a light, at the end of my tunnel,
A termination of what seemed an endless struggle,
Now I have faith, I can suddenly stand,
And my grip will only tighten around Your hand.”
Light At The End Of My Tunnel -Jillian Ann Cameron
Yesterday, as many of you know, I posted on Facebook asking for prayers. I also messaged some friends of mine requesting them to pray as well and talked to a lot of people here. I did not want to disclose why until now and I’m sure you will understand why after you've finished reading this post. Monday around lunch time I was pulled to the side and was told the story of a baby (known as Edison) that the directors had taken in when the child’s mother died and the dad could not take care of it. I was then retold the story of the twins (Dely and Denau) and how Aggie took them in when their mother had died and the father couldn't take care of them. I was then told of a new 2 month old baby, one whose mother had passed away that very morning and whose father could not take care of it. All at once it hit me and I realized that they were going to ask me to help. They did so much more, they asked me to watch the baby until February 17th, be it’s temporary momma, and care for it until the directors came back from the U.S. on the 16th of February. Second after second my heart pounded with excitement and without knowing it I said yes on instinct. Of course, after talking for a while more about it, I stepped back and asked them to give me some time to pray and speak with my parents. After much discussion and prayer with my mom and dad, we decided that I should stay and care for this little one. We were told the baby would arrive Tuesday morning so I slept through the night and woke up in the morning to butterflies in my stomach.
I was anxious all morning, nervous, excited and so many other emotions. I was wondering if it was a boy or a girl, if he or she was healthy, if we would accept it (sometimes they turn babies away because the situation can be helped in another way) and if I was actually capable of being a caregiver to this child. Well, the answer came yesterday afternoon. After a meeting with the directors and Aggie, we have decided not to take the baby. It’s a girl named Jesumine who was extremely healthy, only had one other sibling the dad had to care for, and had many aunts who were able to take care of her. I was heartbroken, I held her for a while and immediately fell in love with her. She was so little and so cute. I was really upset that I wouldn’t be able to call her mine- even if for just a few weeks, but accepted the decision for what it was.
I was taught a big lesson, one that will stay with me for a while. Sometimes, things happen that only God understands and that's ok. I've always wanted to be a mom, I was so ready to jump in and help that I jumped ahead of God and assumed this baby would soon be mine to care for and love for a short while. But God had other plans, and even though I was heartbroken I was happy that the baby had a good home she could go back to and that she was healthy. Sometimes we walk through a tunnel, but just like in the poem above, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Mine taught me a lesson. I don’t always need to know what’s going on, and I need to be patient. God knew this situation would not turn out like I anticipated, but He did know that I needed a big sign to show that. It may not be time now, but in the future, if I’m called to it, I know God will grant me it when it’s in His good time, not mine. Thank you everyone for your prayers today they were much appreciated! Love you all!
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