Big News! (A quick update on what's going on in my life!)

If you haven't noticed, I really haven't been posting many updates or blogs on this page. I apologize to my followers, but there hasn't been much to write about. So, I've decided to catch some of you up on what is happening in my life instead. Here goes!

If you haven't heard already, I have left Children's Lifeline and returned to the states. I came home around March and have been missing Haiti on and off ever since. (I applied for another internship at another mission but the position was filled.) Since being home I've really committed my time to hanging out with friends and enjoying my family. I started a new blog, one that I post very random things on. It's called A Smackeral Of Life. If you don't get that reference I advise you to go watch some Winnie The Pooh! Life has been pretty relaxing....but wait....there's more.

I'm on a boat trip! My family left on August 15th from Sandusky Harbor Marina and have been living on our 32 foot Bayliner since that day. We are traveling The Great American Loop. For those of you wondering it looks like this...


I know, it's super huge, but I wanted to make sure you could actually see it! We will be gone a total of 10 months, and so far it has been amazing! I love traveling so much and adventuring the different places has been awesome for me! Not to mention all of the photo opportunities! I'm also in charge of a blog for our trip. So as you can see, I'm very busy adventuring and writing for my two other blogs! I will most likely not be posting on this account very much, but I encourage you to go to my other two blogs and subscribe to them. In order to subscribe find the box on each page that says "Follow By Email" enter your email, hit submit, and then look for a confirmation email sent to your email address. MAKE SURE YOU OPEN IT AND CLICK THE LINK!! I really stress that because sometimes the email pops up in your junk or it pops up and people delete it. But you HAVE to click the link in the email in order to make sure it's activated! Thank you everyone for your constant support and I look forward to writing to you on my other blogs!

www.wilsonsonthewater.blogspot.com   The blog for my family's 10 month boat trip
www.asmackeraloflife.blogspot.com      My own personal blog

After The Storm

These past couple of months I’ve been stuck on a theme. From my last two blogs you will see it begin to form. Both of them had to do with storms in our lives. The first of the two talked about what I did before my “storm,” ways I tried to avoid it, cover it up…etc. The second was what I did throughout the “storm,” suffered, worshiped, watched butterflies….etc. So now I have decided it is only fair to finish this series with a blog about what I’ve been doing after the “storm.”

If you have been following along on my blog for quite some time you’ll have noticed that recently I’ve been struggling a little bit with this thing called life. I wrote about the bump in the road I had created. How it not only affected me and God, but also three of the most important people in my life. I expressed how deep the Father’s love was for me, despite my bump. The next blog was written in the midst of my storm. I was suffering, emotionally and in all honesty, I was suffering physically as well. Eating was hard and emotions were high. I wrote out a prayer for those who were suffering, one which I whispered through tears as I typed it out. 

God has been gracious and faithful and forgiving. He has restored my joy, my love for life and my appetite! So now that I’ve gone through this rough patch what am I doing about it? Have I shrugged it off as if it didn’t happen or have I learned from it? Have I used it to witness to others in their own storms or have I kept it hidden? Here’s the answer to all of those questions that may be going through your head. 

I have seen struggle,pain, lessons learned, people hurting from my decisions, abundant tears and sleepless nights. But above everything else I have seen God’s grace, joy, guidance, forgiveness, love and His hands wrapped around me. Through it all my eyes have been opened and on Him and through it all I’ve learned so much! So have I kept this all hidden? OF COURSE NOT! Although sometimes it’s hard to share what I went through I believe God gave me my storm in order for me to witness His greatness to other people around me. I’m currently home now and will not be returning to Children’s Lifeline. It has not been easy leaving the place I love but since I have been home God has spoken to me in many different ways and has truly shown me why He guided me back home. 

So yes, I had a “storm” in my life. We all go through the phases. But the most important part is if we run from them or learn from them. I’d like to think my “storm” has made me stronger as well as strengthened my relationship with certain people in my life as well. So next time you’re going through a storm just stop and listen to Him, He is the true rainbow at the end and just as He promised He will hold you and guide you the entire time. 

Music and Butterflies

((Warning! Please excuse my spelling and grammatical errors. I did not have time to go over this!)) 

The past 2 weeks haven't been the greatest. Stress, fatigue and tears have been constant company. Besides God, some amazing friends, my boyfriend and my mom, there are two things that have gotten me through these weeks…..music and butterflies.

“Through it all, though it all my eyes are on you. And through it all, through it all it is well…..So let go my soul and trust in Him, the waves and wind still know His name.”

This song has been on repeat in my head and on my phone. It is my song of complete and pure surrender. From smiling and singing at the top of my lungs with my coworkers, to on my knees with hands held high whispering it through the tears. This song has been a comfort and constant reminder that God must have His way and I must trust Him and say, “Lord, no matter what, it is well with my soul.” It hasn't been easy but God never promised it would be, He just promised He would take care of us and never leave. 

        Butterflies. I rarely ever see them here. If I do it’s by a flower or on a tree. I love butterflies, they're reserved and quiet yet their wings call out in beautiful colors as to say, “Look at the magnificence God has blessed me with!” They are silently radiant. Now that I’ve explained that I do not see them much, I have seen 6 in the past 4 days! Not by flowers, or on trees, but right by me! I’ve gotten one huge thing out of these sightings. Hope.

I recently wrote something to someone about finding beauty in the storm. I will be the first one to tell you that right now I’m in a storm in my life. So seeing the beauty during the storm is amazing and butterflies are full of it. Did you know that butterflies symbolize transformation? Probably. It’s pretty easy to see why it would stand for that….but did you also know that butterflies represent souls?  It is depicted as such in some ancient Christian tombs and many Christian artists have used this symbolism in pictures of Jesus holding a butterfly. So lets tie those two things together using one word shall we? FAITH. A butterfly goes through a huge transformation yet the whole time trusts its cocoon. Our soul goes through huge transformations repetitively and just like the butterfly we must trust God as our cocoon. To hold us and guide us and mold us into the creation He wants us to be. To help us to eat up as much of His word as possible before the transformation so we are equipped during it and to help us spread our wings and fly after the transformation. So next time you see a butterfly let it give you this hope. That it is possible for you to hang on during the storm and in the end you will fly higher than you ever could.

These two things have really spoken to me the past two weeks and I hope if someone else is out there struggling as well that they find comfort in these words. If you’re interested the song I quoted is called “It Is Well” by Bethel Music & Kristene DiMarco. If you’re suffering hear this prayer….

Dear God, I know I am not alone in this storm. I know you are there to comfort me and to help guide me. Let the lightning flash waves of your beauty into my soul and the thunder be filled with your voice commanding me to do your will. Help me to trust your every move and to let you mold me into the creation you want me to be. Help me to say that through it all it is well with my soul. Amen.

"How Deep The Father's Love For Us"

Have you ever hit a bump in the road? Not just a small little rock, or a slight dip, but a HUGE bump? One that was so big you had to slow down to almost a complete stop in order to get over it? Let me ask you this…. have you ever hit a bump on your spiritual road to Christ? I hit one recently, I wasn’t ready for how big it would be. In fact, I saw it coming but I tried to avoid it by taking detours. In doing so I only made the bump bigger. Bumps are scary, they literally rock your world and most of the time are bigger than they seem. Sometimes you see them coming and other times you don’t. We all have bumps in our road but God has something even better. Love.

“How deep the Father’s love for us, how vast beyond all measure. That He should give His only son, to make a wretch His treasure.” 

I’m going to let you in on a little secret….you can’t tell anyone okay? Move a little closer, make sure no one is reading over your shoulder. Are you ready? …….most bumps in the road are created by…….YOU! Shocking right? I know I was surprised when this truth slammed me in the face. Now, before I get the attention of you analytical people who will say “Actually they are created by sin, meaning they’re from Satan himself.” This is correct, but did you know that God granted you choice? God does not force anyone to follow Him, it is a choice you must make in your heart and in turn proclaim publicly. So, without being too technical lets continue our chat. In order to explain this with depth I’m going to tell a little bit about my bump, without disclosing what exactly it was.

My bump was self created. Something I chose to do. Something my sinful self wanted to do. I created this bump after looking at Satan’s temptation for me and failing to say no. That was step one in the making of my bump in the road. The second step was trying to cover it up. I didn’t want to see the bump I created, and I definitely didn’t want anyone else to see it either. Little did I know, until after the fact, that I wasn’t actually covering my bump. I was making it bigger. The third step were the detours I took. I was ready to avoid my bump at all costs. I didn’t want anyone to notice it and tell me, so I swerved left and right. I took back ways and front ways and side ways….you get the point. In all honesty it took me farther away from the bump. I didn't hit it as soon, but as I was cruising along my side roads other things crossed its path and made it even bigger. 

By the time I came face to face with my bump it was HUGE. I knew it wouldn’t just effect me, it was now going to effect some of the people I care for most in this world. But, I couldn’t turn back. So I stopped. I literally pulled over and began to speak with God. I pleaded and begged for Him to remove the bump, to forgive me for the wickedness I had created in my life and others. And amidst the sobs I heard Him whisper this sweet melody….. 

“It was my sin that held Him there, until it was accomplished. His dying breathe has brought me life, I know that it is finished.”

HIS DYING BREATHE HAS BROUGHT ME LIFE……. Take in the depth of those words! How deep His love is for us! Even as we continue to create our bumps, try to avoid them and make them bigger. The end of my bump story goes like this….. 

There I was, stopped on the road, facing my bump an dreading how deep it was going to be. But, I had something else to do. I had to confess to others about my bump. And so, I did. I talked to the three most important people in my life and told them about the bump in the road that I had caused. They prayed for me, they looked into their own feelings, they read the Bible and then they all pulled up beside me on the road. So at this point it was me, God and three others. We all got ready to go and stepped towards the bump. But, you know what happened? I’m not going to tell you…..HA! Sorry! Okay, I'm kidding I will finish it for the sake of your sanity. I got over my bump...but not alone. I made it with God carrying me and those three people holding my hand. It is possible, especially when you have an amazing, merciful, graceful God on your side! So yes, I sin, I fail, I’m not perfect, I fall short, I create bumps….HUGE bumps, but……

“How deep the Father’s love for us, how vast beyond all measure. That He should give His only son, to make a wretch His treasure…………It was my sin that held Him there, until it was accomplished. His dying breath has brought me life, I know that it is finished.”

AMEN!!!!

When You Cower You Fall

"It was a hot day in Haiti. Now you’re probably thinking, “Well duh! It’s Haiti!” But what you fail to remember is that I have now been here for three months and my body has adjusted to the temperature so when I say it was hot, believe me that it was hot! There were eight of us traveling to Archaie hospital. Chelsea and I (2 Americans) our translator, the man with the infected hand and that man’s daughter (3 Haitians) and the doctors (3 Germans.) As we entered the hospital, we were met by the Haitian director of the hospital and after much discussion were given a room for the surgery. Before going to the room we were introduced to a Cuban doctor and his assistant. So now our number was bumped up to 10, 2 Americans, 3 Haitians, 2 Cubans and 3 Germans. All of these different cultures and different languages going on in the same room was quite an experience! While they prepared the room Chelsea, myself and the translator  went out on the street to get some lunch. We walked down the street until we found a little “shack” where we got rice and beans with sauce, chicken and plantains. We were ushered into a very small room with a table and a sketchy looking dog. The food was amazing, but the heat was killer and we all exited dripping in sweat. Upon our arrival back at the hospital, they had the man laying out on a table and were preparing him for surgery. Now, as you can imagine, things are very different in Haiti when it comes to medical situations and because we were American and knew the man having surgery, we were allowed to walk in and watch. We entered the room and because I was sick, I put a mask on. They started the surgery and I took a few photos for one of the doctors and then leaned up against the wall and observed. Some would say it was the sight of the blood, others would say it was the heat and dehydration and some would even say it was my sickness, but I went from leaning up against a wall, watching, to lying on the floor right under Chelsea with our translator holding my feet up. Yes, I passed out. I’m fine and did not get any injuries, except to my pride of course. I was told to sit on the floor for the rest of the surgery and I did as I was told. They got all the infection out of the mans hand and we left. On our way out the Cuban doctor looked at me and said “when you cower you fall!”"

    Since that experience I have sat and thought about what that doctor said to me many times. Although it was very much a joke and I still get made fun of for it around the mission, I can’t help but add some seriousness to it. Ask yourself this question, “When I am afraid or upset what is the first thing I want to do?” Now for me the answer is one of two things, I either want to run and hide or run to someone I know who will make me feel safe. Isn’t that what most of us would do? Find safety in a thing or a person? When you cower you fall……why do you fall? Why does your heart drop? Why does your pride sink down? Why do you want to slick back into something other than yourself and make yourself unseen? Well, let’s look at some situations of fear or cowering in the Bible shall we?  

     A few examples we find in the Bible are found in John 6:19-20 where the disciples experience fear as Jesus is walking out on the water towards their boat, Matthew 28:4-6 when both Mary’s encounter an angel at Jesus’ grave proclaiming He had risen and Acts 18:9-10  where Paul is discouraged and wants to run to the Gentiles to preach the good news. In each:9-10 of these examples, and many more in the Bible, there is one phrase in common. “Do not be afraid!”  

So yes, when we cower, when we are weak, when we are afraid beyond measure we fall. But, there is always that voice saying “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10 

      

     So the next time you’re in an operating room and pass out, or the dark is scary, or you are unsure of the future and what lies ahead, remember that God is with you. You cannot hide from Him only in Him. He is your shelter and protection from the evil one and although what that Cuban doctor said in his broken English was true, I know who holds my fear and who can make it disappear. Funny how things can give you such a broader look on certain aspects of faith. Had I not passed out that day at the hospital an had that doctor not said anything to me as a joke I would have never sat and thought about what we can learn from fear and our reaction to it. I hope you’ve learned from my personal observations! God Bless!

The Power Of Prayer

         Today I ventured to Real Hope For Haiti with a team of doctors that we have staying at Lifeline. I sat in the front seat as we ventured up the rocky twisting roads that I’ve become accustomed to. Upon our arrival we went in the same gate, said hi to the same workers and once again asked for Jody. We then proceeded to go on the same tour that I have been on every time for almost 4 months. We saw the same rooms, the same doctors, the same nurses and even some of the same kids. Now at this point you’re probably thinking “wow, she sounds bored with seeing the same things over and over again.” To answer your question, no I am not. I absolutely love going to Real Hope, I love all of the people there and if it weren’t so far I would probably visit there more often than I actually do. The reason I emphasized so much that I have seen the same things is to point out this one difference in my visit today. As part of the tour we always stop in their ICU and spend time with the kids there. We hold them and play with them and talk with them. This is my favorite part of the whole tour and I adore being able to go love on those kids! Unfortunately, you see some of the same kids every time you go because their conditions are so bad, but in a way it’s also nice to visit them and watch them as they make progress. As you can probably already begin to imagine, because of knowledge and because of what I have described above, ICU’s here are run much differently than the one’s in the U.S. If a child were in the ICU at one of your hospitals we would not be touching them as much, they would be hooked up to a dozen machines and confined to a hospital bed. This is for the sickest of the sick and there are a lot of restrictions in that area. In Haiti there is one small section for the kids who may not be touched but the rest of the ICU is free range. The kids can get up and play outside, they can be held and many of them are not hooked up to any machines. This really helps build relationships with the kids there and allows you to show them more love! I usually spend my time there running from inside to outside and interacting with a bunch of different kids. I hold many of them, play ball with them, talk with them and just watch them interact with one another. Today was different though. Today, I was prayed over. Not by a group of people, not by any of the Americans at Real Hope, not by any of the Haitian workers at Real Hope, and not by the team I was with. I was prayed over by a little boy who was admitted there. He looked to be about 6 or 7. He called Grace and I over and prayed over Grace first and then me. We were NOT expecting it! He simply walked up and said “I’m praying for you.” We just smiled and said thank you and he said “No, come here.” So Grace walked over first and he grabbed her hand, placed his hand on her head and said a short prayer. Then, he called me over. His prayer was soft and sweet and I’m not really sure what he said, but it was so soft that it sounded like a song. I was almost in tears as he finished and looked up at me and said “God bless you.” This little boy, one whom I should be praying over because of his sickness instead wanted nothing more than to come up and pray for me. He didn’t know me, didn’t know my name, had never seen me before and yet he sang a sweet prayer to our heavenly Father. We can all learn a lesson from this sweet boy. From the mouths of babes! I’m still astounded by what happened today and I’m so thankful that Grace caught this precious moment on camera. Please pray for this boy as he is at Real Hope, that he may be healed quickly so he can continue to go out and pray for others. I will end this blog with the same sweet words that little boy whispered to me after his prayer “May God bless you.” 

Blog Booklets (Part 1)

I’ve sat down multiple times trying to think of something to blog about. Another story where one goes from rags to riches? Or maybe something I’ve learned? There are so many things to write about! You would not even imagine the amount of events that go on throughout just one day here. So….that being said, I have decided to combine this blog into a jumble of stories and lessons learned. Without further ado, I give you a little collection of stories I have affectionately decided to call “blog booklets!” Enjoy! 

We Wish You A Haitian Christmas! 

         It was hot, as usual. There was no sight of any rain or even clouds for that matter. It was not windy, just very dusty. The sun beat down on everyone in their lovely clothes. The American girls all dressed up nicely in cute tops and skirts. The workers of lifeline hard at work. Some people look at this and wonder what day I’m speaking of because when they see a description like this the last thing they think of is Christmas. Yes, Christmas. It was hotter than blazes, we were all dressed up and our workers were working. This was not our decision, the Haitians seem to celebrate Christmas on Christmas Eve. Some of them give gifts, but many of them do not do much to celebrate. We respectfully asked that no one bother us on Christmas. As you can imagine it was not an easy day for us, so we all clung to each other and to God that day. We all had gifts for each other that we opened with joy, but it was still very different for us and we all missed our families. But, amidst the difficulties, we all had each other. We spent time laughing and cooking and at the end of the day we all gathered around the table to a nice meal of chicken, mashed potatoes, cucumber tomato salad, stuffing and some other random things. So in the end, we still were able to celebrate the birth of our Savior together. Even if it was in a way we were unfamiliar with, and I can’t help but wonder if celebrating differently helped us truly realize the reason for the season. 

The Gift Of Love 

         It started out as a casual thing, a walk through the village. I liked going out in the village and visiting with people and each time I went out there was one little boy who always wanted my attention. One of my first times going out at night for food this boy ran up and wrapped his arms around me and just held me until I left. Every walk in the village I could always count on him to pop up and hold my hand while I was walking. He went to the river with us and stopped with me just to help me get a thorn out of my shoe. He has “protected” me from his little friends who try to pinch me and ask me for things. He has always been sweet and loving to me and over time I’ve formed a place in my heart that is the shape of his name. Aluxon. I’m honestly not even sure if I’ve spelled it right, but either way it’s engraved into my heart. He is about 8 years old and can be very sassy (not that I mind much since I’m just as sassy as he is!) And just like every relationship we slowly started off getting to know each other until we were comfortable talking and hanging out. I’ve grown so fond of him and here is why. This little boy does not have much, just like many other children in the village he is dirty most of the time, has ripped clothing and probably doesn't eat much. One day while walking he took something from his pocket and while holding my hand slipped it into my hand and said he had a gift for me. When I opened my hand I saw a pretty little marble. Marbles are used here as toys for the kids. To see that this little boy had nothing yet gave me something beautiful astounded me. The next time I saw him he wore a rubber band on his wrist as a bracelet. After I swam at the dam with him one afternoon he silently grabbed my wrist and placed the rubber band on it saying that it was now mine and no longer his. My new bracelet was worn and dirty and too tight, but I kept it on for the rest of the day. A few days later while in the back area of the village he was walking beside me holding my hand as usual and out of no where proclaimed that I was his mom and he was “petit mwen” (my child.) I laughed but after seeing his face I realized he wasn't joking. I explained to him that he could call me mama if he wanted but that did not mean he could come live with me. He quickly agreed and has since then claimed me as his own! And that, my friends, is how I gained a child in the village. 

All Of Me 

      Sometimes things happen that we don’t always understand. I feel like people say that frequently to you throughout life. Well, let me be the first to say that the phrase above is used even more here. A lot of what we see every day makes no sense to us. We just trust God and let things happen as they are, no matter how hard it may be for us to witness. One of these cases was very heart wrenching for me and I want to share it with you. His name is Ericson. I was not here whenever he was originally brought to us, but from what I have heard his mother had the grandma take care of him and she let him starve. He was quickly taken to Real Hope For Haiti when brought to Lifeline and had been in their program for 4 months. Since my arrival here I have been to Real Hope several times with teams and each time have watched as Ericson’s mom climbed into our truck so she could go with us to see him. I have also watched as she has come to us asking when he will be well enough to come home and tell us that she misses him. A few weeks ago we took another visit to Real Hope. After a crazy morning we had forgotten to call his mother to tell her that we were going and so she was unable to tag along. When we arrived we were told that if he was well taken care of Ericson was now free to be released. Normally they do not release a child without talking to his/her mother first, but because we are good friends with this mission and we share mutual love and respect for one another they decided it would be okay if we brought Ericson back with us. You can only imagine our excitement and we could not wait to surprise his mother! He started off in the front seat sitting on Dave’s lap, but after about 10 minutes I took him in the back with me. He slept on my chest, clinging to my shirt with his head directly over my heart which seemed to whisper “I love you” with every beat. I held him for about 2 hours straight until he woke up. After he had awoken it was my job to watch him while the Links had a meeting with our Haitian director (they wanted to go over a few things before calling the mom.) Now, as you can imagine, Ericson was not very emotional and had no facial expressions. He had been in a hospital recovering from malnutrition for 4 months and had probably not had as much social interaction as needed. He was very weak, very fragile and very sad. But, I saw past all that and really showed him the love he deserved. I showered him in kisses, I encouraged him to stand while holding my hands and I cuddled him close. After about 30 minutes I was able to make him smile and he slowly leaned up and gave me a kiss. That’s when I knew I was in trouble. That one little smile and that sweet kiss that no one else had managed to get said more words than anything I had ever heard before. He clung to me some more and then Elizabeth took him so we could surprise his mother. We took the trek down to the gate and happily waited for the arrival of his mother. As soon as she stepped in the gate she had a huge smile on her face, we soon realized it was because of Elizabeth in me, for when she saw Ericson her face slowly changed from happy to panicked. Without going into detail we took her to our Haitian director and had another meeting on what could be done. Ericson’s mother agreed that with help from us she would take care of him but wanted us to keep him for a few days so she could get her house ready. We agreed to keep him for a few days and train her on when and how to give him his medicine. That night we had Ericson duty…..which sound turned into Ericson dooty. He got sick again. He had a constant fever, and let’s just say that one of my shirts is stained from explosive diarrhea. I spent the rest of the night changing my shirt, diapers, bathing him and cuddling with him as he was wrapped in a towel. Thankfully, Elizabeth took the overnight shift but both of us were up bright and early the next morning in order to take him back to Real Hope. I haven’t seen him or heard how he is doing yet, but for those of you who are interested I will have an update on my FaceBook page as soon as I get one! I can't help but think of the song "All Of Me" by Matt Hammit and I encourage you now to go and listen to it. Close your eyes and picture this sweet boy from my perspective and pray that if you have a similar situation in your life that you too can give that person all of you, no matter what. These three stories are just a few of the many life changing things going on during my journey. There are many other children, many other experiences and many other families in need of prayer. Thank you all once again for your support and your prayers, they are much needed! God has been doing a lot of changing in me and I can only hope that I continue each day to listen and draw closer to Him as well as minster to others so that they may do the same.

      

        

     

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