Monday was a very busy day for us, and one I will not forget easily. We visited three orphanages that day. We went to some amazing ones and some that, well, needed a lot of work to say it the best way possible. To be rather honest I don't remember the last two as much as I remember the first one, and with that statement said I will tell it's story.
We had been on the bus for quite some time now. Even though we were hot and sweaty from the ride to the orphanage we were still full of energy and ready to play with some kids! As we stopped in front of the building I noticed that some of the walls were crumbling and that it looked old, but other than that it looked nice from the outside. I quickly learned that this entire orphanage was going to have that kind of effect the whole time I was there. We all began filing out of the bus and were immediately met by children coming to lead us into their "home." I gradually walked in with everyone else and began to look around. I noticed some torn up cushions on some chairs seated around the room, a small bench with so many holes in it that it hurt to sit on it and one very worn table. To the side were probably about ten bunk beds and some very dirty floors. At first the kids seemed really happy to see us, they sang some songs and held our hands but it wasn't to last. Shortly after we arrived their real feelings began to show. These precious little ones that seemed so happy on the outside were torn and everyone could tell. Their smiles turned into blank stares, their laughs turned into cries, their talking turned into silence and their smiles vanished. There were two children in particular who did nothing, absolutely no sound was heard from them, no smile was even close to laying on their lips. They were strictly just there. Holding you close and making sure you didn't let them go.
One little boy out of the two caught my attention as he sat on my friends lap. My child had run off to play games and so I sat next to the little boy and tried to make him laugh, only to notice that he was silently crying to him self. No sound escaped from his lips as he sat there looking at us, tears dripping down his precious face. I wiped them away and looked at him with sadness trying to figure out what was wrong. He clung to my friend so tightly, as if he was afraid he would fall. His eyes were glazed over as if he were in some distant land away from the orphanage. They held such emotion, the feelings of complete and utter betrayal, sadness, abandonment and heartbrokenness. I still catch myself tearing up as I revisit these memories. I had never in my life seen such sadness in a little one, it was so strongly present that it could not be ignored. We tried to help as best we could, we held him close, tickled him, played with his hands and fed him some crackers. Nothing seemed to work and we soon realized that his wall of brokenness would not be so easily knocked down.
I sat by him for the remainder of the time we were there and studied him, studied his eyes, his frown, his movements, his breathing. I didn't want to forget this boy, and I don't think I ever will. For not only was his sadness internal but was soon shown externally as we left him behind. But this time he was not alone, for as everyone returned inside to say goodbye and put there kids down screams could be heard everywhere. Not the kind of screams you hear when someone is scared, not the screams you hear when a child is excited about something. Screams of extreme sadness. Every child except for a select few began weeping. Holding on to us for dear life, begging us to stay, and that tiny little boy, who I had learned to love so dearly began to silently scream as well. I can still remember him hitting the wall, tears rolling down his face so quickly that his shirt was soaked and not making a sound. As we pulled out of the driveway you could still hear them screaming, it's a sound that echoes in my heart still. With every passing day I will never forget that sound, I've never heard anything like it before and I hope that you never have to hear it. My heart broke that day for those kids, and is still breaking into little pieces at a time every time I hear those sounds in my head.
The only joy out of that visit was that we were able to share Gods unending love with them. We were there to hold them as they cried. We showed them love for as long as we could and even though it hurt to say goodbye I hope to one day return and see them again. To once again hold them close and whisper "I love you" to them. To sing with them and share those first few minutes of smiles and laughs with them and to comfort them as they slowly crumble just like the brick walls. I ask that you pray for these kids and not just these ones, but the hundreds of thousands of children out in the world just like them. Many tears were shed that night as I tried to sleep but I knew deep in my heart that God would be there for them longer then I ever could and they would never have to be afraid of losing him just as they lost me.
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