Blog Booklets (Part 1)

I’ve sat down multiple times trying to think of something to blog about. Another story where one goes from rags to riches? Or maybe something I’ve learned? There are so many things to write about! You would not even imagine the amount of events that go on throughout just one day here. So….that being said, I have decided to combine this blog into a jumble of stories and lessons learned. Without further ado, I give you a little collection of stories I have affectionately decided to call “blog booklets!” Enjoy! 

We Wish You A Haitian Christmas! 

         It was hot, as usual. There was no sight of any rain or even clouds for that matter. It was not windy, just very dusty. The sun beat down on everyone in their lovely clothes. The American girls all dressed up nicely in cute tops and skirts. The workers of lifeline hard at work. Some people look at this and wonder what day I’m speaking of because when they see a description like this the last thing they think of is Christmas. Yes, Christmas. It was hotter than blazes, we were all dressed up and our workers were working. This was not our decision, the Haitians seem to celebrate Christmas on Christmas Eve. Some of them give gifts, but many of them do not do much to celebrate. We respectfully asked that no one bother us on Christmas. As you can imagine it was not an easy day for us, so we all clung to each other and to God that day. We all had gifts for each other that we opened with joy, but it was still very different for us and we all missed our families. But, amidst the difficulties, we all had each other. We spent time laughing and cooking and at the end of the day we all gathered around the table to a nice meal of chicken, mashed potatoes, cucumber tomato salad, stuffing and some other random things. So in the end, we still were able to celebrate the birth of our Savior together. Even if it was in a way we were unfamiliar with, and I can’t help but wonder if celebrating differently helped us truly realize the reason for the season. 

The Gift Of Love 

         It started out as a casual thing, a walk through the village. I liked going out in the village and visiting with people and each time I went out there was one little boy who always wanted my attention. One of my first times going out at night for food this boy ran up and wrapped his arms around me and just held me until I left. Every walk in the village I could always count on him to pop up and hold my hand while I was walking. He went to the river with us and stopped with me just to help me get a thorn out of my shoe. He has “protected” me from his little friends who try to pinch me and ask me for things. He has always been sweet and loving to me and over time I’ve formed a place in my heart that is the shape of his name. Aluxon. I’m honestly not even sure if I’ve spelled it right, but either way it’s engraved into my heart. He is about 8 years old and can be very sassy (not that I mind much since I’m just as sassy as he is!) And just like every relationship we slowly started off getting to know each other until we were comfortable talking and hanging out. I’ve grown so fond of him and here is why. This little boy does not have much, just like many other children in the village he is dirty most of the time, has ripped clothing and probably doesn't eat much. One day while walking he took something from his pocket and while holding my hand slipped it into my hand and said he had a gift for me. When I opened my hand I saw a pretty little marble. Marbles are used here as toys for the kids. To see that this little boy had nothing yet gave me something beautiful astounded me. The next time I saw him he wore a rubber band on his wrist as a bracelet. After I swam at the dam with him one afternoon he silently grabbed my wrist and placed the rubber band on it saying that it was now mine and no longer his. My new bracelet was worn and dirty and too tight, but I kept it on for the rest of the day. A few days later while in the back area of the village he was walking beside me holding my hand as usual and out of no where proclaimed that I was his mom and he was “petit mwen” (my child.) I laughed but after seeing his face I realized he wasn't joking. I explained to him that he could call me mama if he wanted but that did not mean he could come live with me. He quickly agreed and has since then claimed me as his own! And that, my friends, is how I gained a child in the village. 

All Of Me 

      Sometimes things happen that we don’t always understand. I feel like people say that frequently to you throughout life. Well, let me be the first to say that the phrase above is used even more here. A lot of what we see every day makes no sense to us. We just trust God and let things happen as they are, no matter how hard it may be for us to witness. One of these cases was very heart wrenching for me and I want to share it with you. His name is Ericson. I was not here whenever he was originally brought to us, but from what I have heard his mother had the grandma take care of him and she let him starve. He was quickly taken to Real Hope For Haiti when brought to Lifeline and had been in their program for 4 months. Since my arrival here I have been to Real Hope several times with teams and each time have watched as Ericson’s mom climbed into our truck so she could go with us to see him. I have also watched as she has come to us asking when he will be well enough to come home and tell us that she misses him. A few weeks ago we took another visit to Real Hope. After a crazy morning we had forgotten to call his mother to tell her that we were going and so she was unable to tag along. When we arrived we were told that if he was well taken care of Ericson was now free to be released. Normally they do not release a child without talking to his/her mother first, but because we are good friends with this mission and we share mutual love and respect for one another they decided it would be okay if we brought Ericson back with us. You can only imagine our excitement and we could not wait to surprise his mother! He started off in the front seat sitting on Dave’s lap, but after about 10 minutes I took him in the back with me. He slept on my chest, clinging to my shirt with his head directly over my heart which seemed to whisper “I love you” with every beat. I held him for about 2 hours straight until he woke up. After he had awoken it was my job to watch him while the Links had a meeting with our Haitian director (they wanted to go over a few things before calling the mom.) Now, as you can imagine, Ericson was not very emotional and had no facial expressions. He had been in a hospital recovering from malnutrition for 4 months and had probably not had as much social interaction as needed. He was very weak, very fragile and very sad. But, I saw past all that and really showed him the love he deserved. I showered him in kisses, I encouraged him to stand while holding my hands and I cuddled him close. After about 30 minutes I was able to make him smile and he slowly leaned up and gave me a kiss. That’s when I knew I was in trouble. That one little smile and that sweet kiss that no one else had managed to get said more words than anything I had ever heard before. He clung to me some more and then Elizabeth took him so we could surprise his mother. We took the trek down to the gate and happily waited for the arrival of his mother. As soon as she stepped in the gate she had a huge smile on her face, we soon realized it was because of Elizabeth in me, for when she saw Ericson her face slowly changed from happy to panicked. Without going into detail we took her to our Haitian director and had another meeting on what could be done. Ericson’s mother agreed that with help from us she would take care of him but wanted us to keep him for a few days so she could get her house ready. We agreed to keep him for a few days and train her on when and how to give him his medicine. That night we had Ericson duty…..which sound turned into Ericson dooty. He got sick again. He had a constant fever, and let’s just say that one of my shirts is stained from explosive diarrhea. I spent the rest of the night changing my shirt, diapers, bathing him and cuddling with him as he was wrapped in a towel. Thankfully, Elizabeth took the overnight shift but both of us were up bright and early the next morning in order to take him back to Real Hope. I haven’t seen him or heard how he is doing yet, but for those of you who are interested I will have an update on my FaceBook page as soon as I get one! I can't help but think of the song "All Of Me" by Matt Hammit and I encourage you now to go and listen to it. Close your eyes and picture this sweet boy from my perspective and pray that if you have a similar situation in your life that you too can give that person all of you, no matter what. These three stories are just a few of the many life changing things going on during my journey. There are many other children, many other experiences and many other families in need of prayer. Thank you all once again for your support and your prayers, they are much needed! God has been doing a lot of changing in me and I can only hope that I continue each day to listen and draw closer to Him as well as minster to others so that they may do the same.

      

        

     

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.....But The Greatest Of These Is Love

1 Corinthians 13:13 “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love,”

Love. What a powerful word. Did you know that in the NIV of the Bible the word “love” is mentioned 551 times? You think maybe God is trying to make a point? 

Since moving to Haiti God has really been giving me a lesson on love. The love He has for me and others, the love I need to have for other people, the love they need to have for me and the love that other people should have for other people. So I’m going to break down each of these and share some lessons I’ve learned for these topics of love. So first…..

1) The love God has for me.

As you can imagine, leaving behind everything and everyone you know to move to a poverty stricken country isn’t the easiest. But, through it all God has provided a lot of things that I’ve needed in order to fight my demons. He has provided me with two amazing housemates, Aggie and Chelsea who have really involved me in their friendship and have reached out to me when I needed it most. They are both so selfless, caring, passionate, loving and I couldn’t have been more blessed to move in with anyone else! So if you’re both reading this, I love you so much and thank you for following God’s calling for you, because without doing that we would have never met! God has also provided me with some new friends and some new kids to love on. He shows me everyday in little or big ways that He loves me and is guiding my steps. Even though I sin daily and am very stubborn sometimes! I just have to follow His guidance. 

Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

2) The love I need to have for other people.

I can honestly say that this is something I’ve never really struggled with until recently. I’ve always been one to love and love hard. To give someone my all even if sometimes they weren’t deserving of it. I looked past the sin, and went straight to loving the sinner. This isn't a quality that I have lost, per-say. It is one that I’ve unfortunately become more guarded with. In ways that  I dont like. Some things in my life recently have forced me to be more careful and put my guard up, but I think I pushed myself to far back in this subject. After talking with my mom about how it was bad that I was loving a child who would never be mine she was quick to remind me that God calls us to love ALL. No restrictions or fears. No matter what happens, we are called to love all people. After this conversation I decided to let down my guarded walls and continue to love as I once had. And let me tell you, I have never felt so free! God definitely used my mother to remind me that I need to love NO MATTER WHAT! Just as God does for each and every one of us! So mom (I know you're reading this,) thank you so much for reminding me to give all I have whether the person is mine to keep or not!

Hebrews 13:1 “Keep on loving one another as brothers and sisters.”

3) The love others need to have for me.

Without sharing any details I will simply say that recently I was in a situation that was full of a toxic kind of love. After stepping away from it God really showed me how others should love me. In 1 Corinthians chapter 13 He gives a straightforward view of what love should be. The kind of love that we should have and should be given. He has taught me so much about how I, as a fragile human being, should be loved by others. It’s also important to remember that others are also fragile human beings that are just as flawed as you are. We can’t expect the love we are given to be perfect, but we should expect it to be a lot of the things mentioned in the verse below. Sometimes the devil takes love and twists it, he uses it to play with our minds and our hearts. He manipulates us into believing that love is not what the Bible says it is. So friends, beware because the devil is cunning and will make toxic love look just as enticing and as Biblical love. 

1 Corinthians 13:4-8a “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking. it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves. Love never fails…..”

4) The love other people should have for other people.

This kind of ties into all of the other three lessons I have learned. Love is such a strong emotion, it can get into your head and mess with your thoughts, it can mess with your heart and it can do a lot of good or a lot of damage. Many people use that reasoning in order to withhold their love for others. But, something I’ve learned here is that when you freely give your love to everyone around you and truly care for one another and watch out for each other everyone around you is so much happier. Unfortunately, this is something that’s very rare around the world. Maybe it’s something we can all work on?

John 13:34-35 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. BY THIS EVERYONE WILL KNOW THAT YOU ARE MY DISCIPLES, IF YOU LOVE ONE ANOTHER.”

So here have been some lessons I’ve recently had on love. Hopefully this post spoke to you as well, so go out this week and show the world your love. And don’t hold back, because God can do amazing things for you and others when you love just as He does! Amen!

The Starbucks Cup (Red)

    After having a break from my phone this weekend I was quite shocked to come back to a news feed full of arguments over a red Starbucks cup. After seeing post after post about this little thing I thought I would put into perspective what a missionary thinks when seeing these things. 

      If you follow my Facebook page then you have seen some of this story already. But, in order to put into perspective as to why I see silliness in this red cup phenomenon I will give you a little insight on some of the things I encounter while here. Below is the picture of a little boy named Samuel. Samuel is 6 days old and has been in our care since the day he was born. He was a twin, but both the twin and the mother died in childbirth. Afraid for the life of Samuel, his uncle  got on a moto and traveled about 5 hours down from the mountain. He was very tiny, very fragile, very hungry and had some funny breathing patterns. We took him in and fed him, cleaned him off and gave him some warm clothes. Yes, he was cold! To give a little background, his family situation with his father was very unhealthy. The rest of his family either had a busy job, or children of their own and had no time or money to take care of him. This is but only one case we've had where a child has been given to us as a result from it's mothers death.

             When you see the color red what do you think of? Many right now would say that they think of Christmas, the Starbucks cup, maybe even Target. Want to know what I see when I hear of the color red? These precious little ones. The ones that surround me daily and call out my name, asking how I am doing and genuinely caring. The ones who have so little but smile so big. Red, to me, shows the love pouring out from both my heart and theirs. To live a life full of views of people suffering daily, even hourly. To live in a world that is thankful for a cup no matter what shape or color it is. While the world quarrels over the difference between a cup that is red and a cup that says merry Christmas, missionaries all over the world sit and quarrel with the Devil over a soul of someone lost that is right outside their door.  So the next couple of months, when you drive up to that Starbucks window and they smile and give you your nice red cup, remember what missionaries think of when they see your quarreling and be thankful. Be thankful for that one cup full of coffee that so many Americans rely on. Be thankful that you are surrounded by family, that you have a nice car to drive you places, that you have the money to just so easily go spend on a treat. Remember missionaries all over the world who are spending their Christmas in foreign countries all over the world and using the color red as a symbol of love. Pray for them and their work. I hope this opens your eyes to what we see when we log into our social media time after time and view the things that others share. We pray not only for the people we are ministering too but also for our home and the people around it, that their eyes may be opened and they may truly be thankful for what they have. May God bless you and your family this upcoming winter and please, go have a peppermint hot chocolate at Starbucks just for me! ;) 

A Change of Heart

    I’m sorry that I haven't blogged regularly but as you can imagine I am still trying to get comfortable with my new life. Now that I’m here I’m really starting to realize that Haiti has no structure, my mom would have a fit! (Love you mom!) Work day hours vary constantly, you can start work pretty much at 7:30AM and then declare at 3PM that you are going home. With my line of work we are constantly depending on the wifi, which as you can imagine is not the greatest in a third world country, but we manage to get as much done as we can. I can honestly say that every day is different, there is never really a schedule or a plan as to how one should go about doing things. You simply just do them. Transition from the U.S. has not been the easiest on me but it’s still amazing to see how God can work through the little things in such BIG ways! Here’s a story about a boy who really taught me what it is to whole-heartedly follow Christ.

   A boy from our village has decided to follow Christ and in doing so will be baptized in the next upcoming week or so. Before doing this he realized that he had some unsolved conflict between some friends of his. He came to Elizabeth and asked that him and his friends be allowed to come sit in our living room and talk about what had happened between them. Fortunately, I was present during this meeting! Unfortunately, most of it was in Creole so I only got bits and pieces, but what I did get taught me a very valuable lesson. He came and sat down across from three friends in our living room and started out by telling them a few things from his point of view. After that he apologized for everything that he had done and asked if they could forget about the past and move on in their friendships. Everyone was forgiving and well in agreement with the change that was going to be happening.

   I later found out that the reason he had decided to make amends with these people was not only because he cared for them and wanted the friendships back, but also because he wanted to be baptized with a pure heart. Wow! What a great way to step into your new faith! Can you imagine how much more loving people in the U.S. would be if we simply sat down with the people we loved, the ones we cared for, and asked for forgiveness for the wrong that we may have committed against them. What a HUGE act of love and humility! I was completely amazed by this demonstration of full fledge passion to follow Christ with a clean heart! How amazing that boy will feel after his baptism when God has fully cleaned him! Thank you Jesus for the things in life that teach us all a valuable lesson! I can only hope that my heart has the same good intentions while I am here, to serve Him whole-heartedly and to do it in a pure way! Amen!

On a side note there was a HUGE cockroach in our bathroom today, and even after spraying it with poison it managed to make its way into Grace’s bedroom!! EW! Well, guess I better get used to seeing big bugs now! Welcome to Haiti ;) 

Hope In The Healing

Today was hard. Plain and simple. It was a toss and turn of emotions. Like the mountain we traveled on, I went up then back down again. 

     We traveled to Real Hope For Haiti today. This is a hospital for extremely sick kids. People travel from below the mountain and from the mountain itself just to make it to this place because they know their kid will get the best possible treatment. They see about 100-250 people PER DAY! The people literally line up the night before to make sure they’re first in line for the next day. So as you can imagine this hospital holds the sickest of the sick. It’s hard to travel here at times because of some of the conditions you see. The last time I went there was a little girl with a condition that Mia also has (CP- Cerebral Palsy)  and it was something that really effected me. This time I went I was faced with another trial, but was very aware of the hope found within it. 

      There was a little girl there whose name I won’t even try to type out. I’m not sure how long she had been there but I hadn’t seen her when I was there in January. She was paper thin, and that isn’t an expression. Her skin was so thin that on her chest it didn't even feel like she had any. It felt like bones and that was it. The skin on her arms and legs was so tight against her bones and felt of leather. She had a feeding tube in her nose and an IV inserted somewhere as well. Her teeth were all rotted and she looked miserable. Yet amidst all of this she still tried to smile at one of our team members. Did you catch that? She tried to smile! This precious little 5 year old girl, practically on her death bed from dehydration and lack of care, tried to smile for us! That is such a powerful image of self sacrifice. Who knows how much just moving her mouth hurt her or how much discomfort she was feeling. She still smiled! 

     I learned a lot from this girl today. No matter the pain, the trial, the struggle, there is always a reason to smile! So no matter what kind of day you’ve had today, remember to be thankful anyways and to smile. God has you here for a reason dear one and He will use you for great things!

Flashback Of Feelings

Remember when you were little and just starting to make “best friends?” You would spend your time passing notes in class, hanging out on the swings at the playground, telling each other pointless secrets about how Billy stole Suzy’s pencil….etc. This was a wonderful age, where making friends was easy! Now that I’ve got your memory sparked, can you remember the first time you had a sleepover at your friends house? Remember the fear of the unknown? Of not knowing what their house would look like, if their moms mac-n-cheese really was as good as your friend said, how comfortable the bed would be, if it would be dark? So many things. Now remember how much fun you ended up having!! You ran around the house causing chaos everywhere you stepped, laughing uncontrollably and getting told to “quiet down!”  But do you remember bedtime? It was the time everyone dreaded. It meant the end of the fun and the beginning of the panic process. Where we didn’t want to leave because we were having so much fun but didn’t want to stay because we wanted our bed, parents, siblings, comfort…..I am at this stage. I’m on my plane to Haiti and I’m excited, yet wanting to go back home. The fear of the unknown awaits. I’ve been here before, I know what is waiting for me in Haiti. Yet there is that ache to go home. To cuddle with my siblings, laugh with my parents, hang out with my friends and just be surrounded by people who love me. This past month has honestly been horrible for me. The stress has been constantly on my mind, the anxiousness never ceases, my stomach is constantly in a knot and I must force myself to eat, the tears have been shed so much that I have none left to cry. But I know who holds my future, I know God is watching over me and has great plans for me. So just as I did when I was a little girl, I will wait through the night and wake again in the morning to enjoy another playdate with God on this mission field! Thank you all for the love and support! Please keep me in your prayers since this has been a very exciting yet difficult step to take. God Bless!

The Raw Truth

Everyone that I run into has asked how I feel about leaving, well here is the answer. The raw truth of what’s going on inside of me. Many people who have asked me have gotten the answer “I’m excited but also nervous.” That answer just scratches the surface of what I’m truly feeling. This blog is something very emotional for me to write, so please try to hang with me because some of what I say may be a tad scattered. Those of you who are sensitive may possibly need tissues (shoutout to grandma!) So here we go, take a deep breath and keep reading.

I’m struggling. So hard that it hurts. I can’t even explain half of the feelings that are twisting and turning inside of my heart right now. If you know me, you know that my emotions are all on overload. Everything I feel, I feel strongly. It’s the kind of heart God blessed me with and though sometimes it can be hard, it’s amazing. I feel everything with passion, the good and the bad. It’s times like now that I struggle. I don’t even know how to explain this dreadful emotion. I guess it’s not really just one emotion, it’s several mixed together. It crept up on me a few weeks ago, it started out as a little thing. Nothing but nervousness, so tiny that it wasn't even noticeable. Little did I know that it would grow into what it is today, as I sit pouring my heart out through my fingers touching the keys. I’m scared, terrified actually. I’m afraid to be alone, and I know God is with me and always will be! I never doubt that. But, I’m moving away from everything and everyone that I know. There are people here that have my heart that will be so hard to be away from. No one will be just a phone call or text away anymore. I’m so afraid to feel the loneliness that I’ll go through during certain times in my journey. Maybe that’s selfish. No, it is selfish. But I can’t help but feel it, the next few weeks will be so hard for me as I begin to say goodbye to all of the people that I love so dearly. 

My feelings have kind of begun to drown me in a way. Sometimes the water is dark and the waves begin to drag me down. Other times the water is refreshing and lets me back up for a breath of air. That sounds gruesome, but it is the only way I can describe it. These past few weeks have really opened my eyes as to how hard this move will be for me. I’ve been majorly stressed, to the point that my stomach has been nothing but a mess. Eating has been a real struggle and I’ve lost some weight. I’ve had a few breakdowns. I’ve cried so many tears that sometimes I’ve even run out of them. I’ve fought with God. Not just internally, but at 1:30AM in a sanctuary speaking to Him. I’ve been so moody lately. My mind and my heart are constantly contradicting one another. My mind says to keep to myself, but my heart knows that these are the days I should be spending the most time with everyone. Little things set me off, you could ask what my favorite food is and in my mind, I would wrap it around until it turns into the thought of “well it doesn't matter because I won’t be eating it in Haiti.” My heart has been filled with so much negativity and I’ve tried with every ounce of myself to try and ignore the pain. The devil has really been working a number on me recently and I’ve not been myself. 

But amidst the trials, there is still sunshine. Even though my mood has been off, my eating habits have died away, my eyes have been puffy a lot and I’ve been kind of down,  I’ve become stronger. I’ve learned more about myself in the last two weeks than I could have in a normal month for me. Though I have fought with Him, I have felt God’s arms around me and heard Him whisper reassuring words into my life. I have been shown how truly blessed I am with the people I have surrounding me. My family, my friends, and I’ve even learned that strangers can also be a blessing! My mom has been such a comfort to me lately and everything I’ve been going through has actually strengthened my bond with her (which I didn't know was possible!) My sisters have given me hugs and cuddles when they knew I was down. My dad has taken me out to lunch. All of my wonderful friends have been there to listen to me no matter what mood I’ve been in. To help me up when I’ve fallen. And to walk beside me when I’ve stood tall. God has blessed me so much with this new adventure in my life! Through the struggle God has been there, God is there and He always will be! I’m not second-guessing anything, I know this is what I want to do and where God is calling me to be. Yes, I’ve been struggling and I ask for prayers these next couple of days as things will probably only get harder. But, I’ve also been able to rejoice in ways I never knew imaginable. Thanks for hanging with me through this emotional post. Your support, prayers and love mean the world to me. May God bless you today and every day!